Buy Your Face: Self-Actualization, Guaranteed!

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BUY YOUR FACE!

The skin, its care and treatment; teaching every detail of this important work in a simple, concise and practical manner (1904) via Wikimedia Commons

Become the silken starlet you long to see in the mirror every day! Our services provide a state-of-the art, minimally-intrusive alternative to moving through the world as an Unruly Image. Finally: a fast-track way to become your best self.

Don’t you want to be desirable? Don’t you want your very image to be valuable and profitable? By putting your best face forward, you can accomplish this and so much more. With This One Trick you are flawless. With This One Trick you can optimize yourself. With This One Trick you are liberated.

CHISLED DIVINE PERFECTION FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF ONE YEAR’S RENT!!!

Effects may reduce over time, so sign on to our subscription plan to maximize your savings.

YOU MAY ACHIEVE FREEDOM FROM:

• unusual shapes

• unusual sizes

• lumps, moles, skin tags

• aging

• flatness (the bad kind)

• unruly eyebrow movements

• recognition

• texture

Do you crave liberation from your less-enviable features? Do you want to be the envy of your less-well-to-do friends? Do you sigh wistfully at the image of tweezed curled airbrushed Hollywood and think “that could never be me?” THINK AGAIN, YOU FOOL — ANYONE CAN HAVE A $50,000 FACE! EVEN YOU!

Use our revolutionary treatments to release the Remarkable and Authentic True Self that glows beneath your dull, homely surface! Become the youngest-looking mom at the office! Maybe you’ll finally get that raise or score an affirming pat on the rump from your superior.

Elixirs of health for every ailment! Endless opportunities to mold yourself into a most desirable image!

Order now!

The skin; its care and treatment (1914) via Wikimedia Commons

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Thank fucking god. Thank fucking god I will never look old or tired again. Thank fucking god I don’t have to be ugly anymore. We are so back. We are so free.

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I look so beautiful, I look just like my mother.

I squint at her face under the light and measure the depths of her crows feet, I’ll probably get a unit there maybe some on my neck. I need to watch her forehead and see if I should get some there too.

She doesn’t wear her years but they keep coming regardless. I long to pin back her jowls and make her in my image, I long to shatter this moment of her like a hammer and freeze the shattered pieces of her into a mosaic of endless youth.

when she looks at me she’ll see not herself but a black mirror yearning for recognition. a blank slate without reference. an image without bottom.

I’m beautiful in-context, I am an individual alone on an island, my waves are my own and do not reach other shores. We are lonely reflective images and everyone has a mask to wear so I’ll make mine couture. I grind down my lumpen geode skin until its surface is smooth to the touch.

Call me gorgeous call me productive call me singularity, femmebot divine, Ariana sings God Is A Woman as my glass skin breaks through glass ceiling. I am empowered to build a cage with the finest silver, I a liberated product to be bought and sold, examined and defiled by a violent lens.

I flatten myself down to a mirror of the culture because money is beauty is power and when all meaningful power has been taken from me at least my face card never declines.

The skin, its care and treatment; teaching every detail of this important work in a simple, concise and practical manner (1904) via Wikimedia Commons

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